My father came home drunk again.. It's the same old thing; he stumbled through the door and yelled, "Where's my supper?"
My mother cringing, looked at him with her frightened eyes and quietly replied, "It's on the table."
Dad walked over to the table sat down, and yelled, "What chicken again?" Knocking the plate off the table with a swift sweep of his powerful hand. Rising drunkenly, he staggered across the room to where mom was. His big, rough hand came down hard across my mother's face. As she slumped to the floor, I heard him say, under his stinking alcohol breath, "It'll be my way or no way.. I'm tired of the same old stuff night after night.." He looked over at me with half-crazed look in his eyes and said, "Michelle, get up off your lazy tail and get your sister upstairs to bed." As we were climbing the stairs, I heard him say, "That's another thing, I am tired of that sorry good for nothing dead beat." Oh, I felt as if a vice was squeezing my stomach in to a knot, and I was afraid I was going to be sick. Then I'd really be in trouble..
Deep down I knew I wasn't any of these things-but he told me that so often I sometimes start to believe it.
The next morning I was awakened by the strong scent of marijuana coming from the bathroom. I looked over to make sure Teleaitha was still safe in bed; she looked so innocent, but I knew living "here" she would quickly lose that quality. Oh, how I hated it. I got up slowly, dreading another day of "this." I walked down the hall, which looked dull and dark in the early morning light. I walked hesitantly and opened the door to the bathroom, only to find my mother in a drugged state of mind. I smelled something burning, and I looked to see where the smell was coming from. Beside the hamper I saw the joint burning. I picked it up and walked slowly over to the sink to put it out, feeling more frightened as the seconds ticked by. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a mirror with powdery-like stuff on it. My palms became clammy, and it was difficult to breathe. I thought I knew what it was, but I wasn't sure. So, I reached down to taste it, and my suspicion was right; indeed it was cocaine. During this time, mother was watching me. She got up and reached for something. Before I realized what she was doing, mother hit me across the face with an object. My hand flew to touch my bruised face. I looked up at her calmly and asked, "Why are you now using cocaine? Can you no longer get high on marijuana?
She looked back at me menacingly and through clenched teeth warned, "Don't you ever touch my stuff again.."
To get away from my mother's wrath, and in part to protect Teleaitha from the yelling, which I knew would come, I took Teleaitha to the park for the day. We stayed until it closed, but I knew I had to go home.
That evening Dad came home drunk as usual. I knew immediately to get Teleaitha upstairs to bed because I knew those terrible signs. As we mounted the stairs, I heard mom and dad fussing again. As I got Teleaitha, frightened and whimpering, ready for bed, all we heard was hollering. I put her down and sat beside her and patted her until she fell asleep. I went carefully downstairs hoping that the fussing would be over. However, I was wrong. They were fighting instead.. Dad had mom pinned to the floor beating her with his clenched fists. My eyes grew big with anger as I screamed, "Dad, stop.. Stop it before you kill her.." I heard mom moaning as tears came to my eyes. As I looked at dad; he froze, and looked at me in surprise
.. As he suddenly got up, I realized I had to run because now his fury was turned on me. As I was running I thought, "When will this end?" My eyes were stinging from the air. My legs and feet were cramping. As I was running, I turned around to see if I could see him, I couldn't. I felt a cold chill running through my spine. Where could he be? I started slowing down almost to a walking pace. Did I lose him? I started to get my breath, but from my right side he tackled me. As we hit the ground, I heard him say over and over, "I'll teach you.."
Dad started hitting me. I felt pain in my stomach, my sides, my head, and I began to feel dizzy. Frightened and almost hysterical, I wondered if he was going to kill me. We scuffled for what seemed like and eternity. Just as I thought it was over, I realized he was choking me. I heard him say, "I brought you into this world and I will take you out.." I knew I had to get him off of me somehow, but when I fought, it only hurt worse. In desperation I reached out my arm and found a brick. I frantically started swinging to make him stop. I heard the brick hit his head, and he grew limp and gasped for air.
The neighbors heard the commotion. One of the neighbors came running over bent down and took his pulse. There was none. I sat in a trance-like state-not wanting to believe what I had done. The paramedics said, "He suffered severe brain damage. He was dead."
To my relief, the police only questioned my briefly as they had been called to our home many times on domestic causes. The knew it was self-defense. But it all could have been prevented it only he had left alcohol and drugs alone. After the police left, I couldn't face anyone, especially mom. Desperately I ran to the bathroom and locked the door to protect me from the outside world.
I found my mother's stash and lit a joint. I stared down at the joint and dreamily wondered, "What am I doing?" But, I needed it to face mom. Would we ever be free?
