Dear Mother and Dad,
It has now been three months since I left for
college. I have been remiss in writing and I am very sorry for the thoughtlessness
in not having written before. I will bring you up-to-date now, but before
you read on, please sit down. You are not going to read any further
unless you are sitting down. Okay? Well, then, I am getting along pretty
well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped
out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after
my arrival is pretty well healed now. I only spent two weeks in the
hospital, and now I can see almost normally and only get those sick
headaches once a day.
Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by
an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who
called the Fire Department and the ambulance. He also visited me in
the hospital and since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt-out
dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with
him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He is a very
fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married.
We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy
begins to show. Yes, Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much
you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome
the baby and give it the same love and devotion and tender care you
gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage
is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from
passing the pre-marital blood test and I carelessly caught it from him.
this will clear up with the penicillin injections I am now taking daily.
I know you will welcome him into the family with open arms.
He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although
he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know your oft-expressed
tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin
color is somewhat different than ours. I am sure that you will love
him as I do. His family background is good too, for I am told that his
father is an important engineer for the sanitation department he works
for. Although they say he runs his office from his truck.
Now that I have brought you up-to-date, folks, I want to tell you that
there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull
fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged,
I do not have syphilis, and there is no schwartze in my life. However,
I am getting a "D" in history and an "F" in science, ...and I wanted
you to see those marks in the proper perspective.
Your loving daughter,
